Guess what? Your phone presence has a direct effect on the frequency and passion in your intimate relationship. While not necessarily thinking ahead to a sexual reward we’re building or diminishing a love connection with each interaction. Foreplay is a constant, rather than an event and one of the main things that a woman wants most from her man is presence. Without going into reasons why it matters, let’s just look at how we can have gratifying telephone interactions.
When my woman phones me I assume a desire for reassurance is built-in to any request for information. Whether consciously or not, she wants to feel that love is alive between us. She knows that I know it’s her who’s ringing my phone so how I answer sets an immediate tone.
I know (because I asked) whether she wants to hear a term of endearment or her name when I answer the phone. A conscious breath just before I pick up helps me transition my attention to her. If it isn’t a good time for me to talk on the phone we’re both better off if I pick up and let her know that, at this moment, I don’t have the space for an involved talk, but I’m glad to hear her voice and can arrange a time to talk later. If I have a pressing issue or if something else requires my steady focus it’s better if I let the call go to voicemail.
The importance of directly speaking to feelings is critical over the phone since body language is absent. I may tell her how the sound of her voice affects me or that I’m thinking of how beautiful she must be at this moment. Those are just examples, the main thing is to be real with what’s alive for you in a kind way. If she is speaking about feelings then I will respond to what she just expressed before talking about anything else.
Whether talking “business” or about intimate subjects like desire and dreams we’ll do better when it’s clear to each of us which purpose this call is serving and it’s helpful to have formal transitions. Saying, for instance, “Honey, I’m enjoying our talk/connection AND I need to change the subject to address some other things. Do you need anything else before we change gears?”
Then there’s the purely erotic phone call (slow wink). The more you know what you like and can own it, the more “sexy” it can be. The more detailed the fantasy, the more interesting it will be to both of you. “Oh yeah baby, I’ll come home and you’ll do me” is much less captivating then “When I walk through the door I want you wearing a short skirt and no panties and you’re going to be in the laundry room pretending that you haven’t heard me enter the house. I’ll see the light on and find you there. I’ll say your name in a deep voice and …” You get the idea!
At the end of the conversation, I try to leave my beloved with a sense of what’s in my heart. Extra points get awarded for speaking directly to feelings and needs while offering acknowledgment and understanding.