There is a lot to know with tantric sex, but this article is enough for you to begin transforming your lovemaking into a tantric journey. For instruction in specific methods such as ‘the pull / press / PC squeeze’, etc. I recommend finding a tantra class or private instruction with a tantric practitioner (daka or dakini).
Solo practice (white tantra) prepares your body for running bigger energy. First practice breathing with complete and full inhalations and exhalations. In addition to other benefits; you are developing your felt sense of your own body and where your energy begins and ends as you’re increasing your capacity to hold and run energy.
Come to your partner grounded and clear in your purpose for being together. You may sit in silence while gazing in each other’s eyes or add a breath practice if you wish. You could speak to your intention for this time together. Remember, you are bringing the gift of centered presence and focused attention.
Think harmonization of energies. Think slow sensitivity over stimulation. Think rocking rather than thrusting. You will naturally develop your own pace and style. Maintain connection and depth of feeling. If you are having trouble with over-stimulation and racing to the familiar finish line of ejaculation, make your movements slower. You may ask your partner to help with a gentle reminder (like tapping their fingertips on your heart or inviting you to look in their eyes and feel of their heart) to bring focus into the shared energy again.
My experience with ejaculation choice is that keeping a soft, relaxed belly and allowing the genital sensations to flood into my entire body is as effective as anything else. Having relaxed attention on my whole body also better allows me to feel while simultaneously being attentive to my partner.
Another wonderful thing is to simply pause for stillness. You’ll lose style points for saying something coarse like, “stop, I can’t take it!” It is more connection-building to say, “let’s be still so we can really feel each other”. Then feel of yourself, look in their eyes. Accept their love into your heart. (Heart energy extending outward we call a “heart-on”.)
Use full, deep breaths as arousal gets more intense. For the man it allows him to feel his arousal into more of his body and diffuse the need for quick genital release. For the woman it helps call her orgasm to her. Breathe arousal energy up to the crown of your head to feel it in your whole being and let it transform your consciousness.
Many people find a “1 to 10 scale” helpful (1 being not aroused and 10 being going over the edge into ejaculation). You may need to bring into play all the techniques I’ve mentioned in order to maintain arousal at a 4 or 5 and with practice you can run your ‘juice’ at a higher level with greater control. There is a vast world of pleasure between 7 and 10 and too often men go from 6 to 10 super-quickly.
To deeply feel each other’s love you may run an energetic cycle of the erotic charge through your bodies (much like completing an electrical circuit). Imagine the feeling and charge from the lingam (penis) flowing into the yoni (vagina). Keep this circle of energy going and see how the feeling of intimate communion magnifies. This can be exquisite with or without physical penetration and with or without movement.
Improved mechanics without the consciousness is not tantra; it’s just better sex. The consciousness you approach lovemaking with is more important than technique and there should be room for a wide range of sexual expression ~ from light to dark. Sacred Energy eXchange is like music that can be played at different volumes. The rewards are great and once you’ve experienced what lies beyond I doubt you’ll go back to what was once considered normal.
Your body wants to relax into love. With practice your experience will deepen and become richer. Making love will become exactly that ~ ‘making’ love. Making sacred dates for lovemaking and keep them. How often does your beloved deserve to be held and ‘loved up’ in sacred communion? How often do you?