He Loves Me (or not)

How can you tell if your man loves you? A coaching client recently asked me this question. Here’s my expanded answer:

The average woman is more sensitive to energy than the average man. A woman who’s connected to her core wisdom and is not afraid of her feelings will be even more tuned to energy and her intuition. So, trust what you feel. That being said, here are some outward signs of masculine-aligned love.

It’s a good sign if he answers in the affirmative when you ask him if he loves you AND is also able to give specific examples regarding what he adores about you. Hopefully, he includes internal as well as external beauty in his description.

More evidence of love is if he thinks of you while you’re apart and shows it by making plans or advance effort for when you’re together. For example, does he send texts that are more than five words or does he show up at your door with flowers or makes event reservations without prompting?

Does he make you a priority by carving out time to spend with you? Does he actively listen to you and respond kindly? Does he adjust his behavior (within reason) to address issues that cause you to be uncomfortable?

Consideration for your needs is an indication of caring. Does he make an attempt to understand you BEFORE sharing his perspective? Does it feel like he is more about ‘getting’ or is he focused on giving to the relationship in general? Does it seem like he’s inspired to give the best of himself by being with you?

Ideally, his actions toward you are consistent with his promises. Does he follow through so that his actions are congruent with his words and stated values?

When he does something to hurt your heart, does he apologize appropriately and make an amend if needed? Does he put a strategy in place to not repeat the hurtful action? Note: pain as part of mutually agreed kinky play, can be profoundly bonding and is not what I’m referring to.

What gives your brain the message “I’m loved”? According to Gary Chapman, in his book Love Languages, we all have a preference in how we want to receive love. He groups these into the following categories; Praise, Touch, Quality Time, Gifts and Acts of Service. Decide which is most important to you and communicate that to your beloved.

Does he make an effort to show affection in the way that you ask for it? (You have asked, right?) In other words, if he mainly gives you gifts as his demonstration of love, but doesn’t offer praise, even though you have told him that praise is what helps you feel most appreciated and held in love, then he is not hearing you or adjusting to your stated desire.

In Compassionate Communication you’re encouraged to turn complaints into requests so the other person can better know how to help you find your ease. You might even skip the complaint and go straight to a request. Can you feel his heart. Do you feel his love penetrating you? What kind of energy emanates from his body? How does he hold you in lovemaking (and energetically in general)? Ah, you knew the answer all along!