Horses, Tango, Intimacy

young woman stroking horse in sunlight

Horse. I felt elevated and moved as if by grace as the large horse pivoted and turned under my saddle. Her body and mind were in tune with my intention as we negotiated a hillside. The narrow and rough trail we had been following snaked down a forested canyon slope. My hands held the soft leather reins loosely, yet with confidence (as if I were holding a small bird). I communicated with weight shifts and leg pressure. I gave her verbal confirmation when she made the movement just as I had asked. The horse and I navigated through the tangle of brush and logs together, each step a conscious and important act. There was precious little room for error as the trees were closely packed and the steep slope was full of obstacles. The concentration, trust and partnership was total as we worked in concert.

Tango. Music carried us along the line of dance as my partner matched me step for step and turn for turn. With a hand on her back I could easily sense when she felt the beginning thought of a turn or a stop. She responded in perfect time to my subtle shifts of weight and position as she registered the intention in her body. My shoulders moved only to the extent that I needed her to notice and adjust with me. The distance between us was a constant. She was trusting me to navigate her safely through the crowded dance floor. The music moved us as one dual-body being. There was no thought, we were just dancing. We floated together.

Intimacy. People naturally associate passionate dance with intimate expression, but horse riding is so similar!

Both horse-riding and tango are mainly about connection with a partner. I can’t ‘make’ my partner (whether woman or horse) do anything. I can offer an idea, but it is she who will do the doing.

When I want my horse’s (or dance partner’s) feet to move, I change the rhythm and energy in my hips and hands. When my intention and message is clear we’ll go in the direction I’m headed. Feet or body moving well is not the real issue. My partner’s heart and mind is the issue. When her heart is with me all will flow as it should.

We do not ever ‘fix’ or ‘correct’ a girlfriend, dance partner or horse. We’ll never gain ground by being ‘bossy’. I don’t play win/lose with a woman or a horse because she is stronger in many ways. She already knows how to ‘go’. But, to ‘go’ she needs to be able to trust where I am going.

I don’t try and sneak a ride, a dance or sex. When I feel my own commitment and depth she will feel it too. I must give her my clarity otherwise she’ll look elsewhere for guidance. I must have an awareness and sensitivity of her while I’m with her.

When she (girlfriend, dance partner or horse) surrenders into trust I don’t bother her anymore. I look for the smallest change and the slightest try. This is a good time for me to praise her and rub her neck. When she tries, it is time to leave her alone.

When my girlfriend, dance partner or horse is distressed I can help by remaining grounded and in my ease. It’s my responsibility to meet her in my ease so she can work through being bothered. Whether girlfriend, dance partner or horse she should look to me for clarity, calmness and certainty of direction. When I show her that my love is constant and unwavering she will ‘hook on’ (a horsemanship term).

As you ride, dance or make love keep your breath full and your body strong. Keep your attention present and, no matter what she does, give her love. Your only options are fear or mastery of yourself. Be worthy of her attention and devotion. Remember that your girlfriend, dance partner or horse will offer you truth. Align your life with your own truth and purpose; demonstrate your integrity and presence. Remember that you are not here to please her. Instead, you are here to pervade the world (including her) with fearless consciousness.

Published by Corey Lyon Folsom

I coach people who want better results in life and love.