It is said that true honesty is not about telling someone else what you think of them, but being honest about your own motivations.
Every once in a while I come across a statement that describes how I want my intimate relationship to look and feel. Here are some of the best:
Partnership Guiding Principles
Companionship without cling
Friendship without manipulation
Friendship over form
Love without conditions
Touch without obligation
Humor without sarcasm
Listening without judgment
Answers without shadow
Service without expectation
Support not suppression
Solutions over complaints
Acceptance without manipulation
Generosity over attachment
I review this list every once in a while and honestly critique my own behavior and motivations. I ask myself, ‘Do I love this principle?’ and, ‘Do I live this?’
I find the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono prayer useful to keep the focus on where I can have self-empathy vs. over-examining others.
I recommend Alanis Morissette’s song, “You Owe Me Nothing In Return” as it sings to a generosity of spirit and of being whole unto oneself.
Also, it can be helpful to speak the following words silently (or out loud) as a way of orienting to unconditional love and acceptance:
I honor you
I bless you
I release you