Do you want to be deeply happy with each other?
Do you want your life to be guided and moved by love?
A good way to increase loving contentment is to become an expert in loving your woman.
The goal is not to be an expert on any woman or all women, but this very woman that you are with. I suggest committing to a 10-day experiment in loving (without telling her). You will certainly find out more about your own relating weaknesses and what truly inspires you about being with this lovely person. I guarantee you’ll be better off for having upped your game.
When you’re not ‘getting’ what you want from your partner, start with giving her what she wants from you. Allow yourself the pleasure of giving to her without a need for reciprocation.
First you must know what she wants. If she hasn’t told you lately, or if your memory is fuzzy, just ask. You might say something like, “In the interest of being a better companion, what might I do more of (and less of) that would make your experience better”?
Also, think of the times that she was really happy with you and recall the way you were treating her then. Do more of that.
Presence. Find and then live from your center and give her the best of you when you are with her. Do whatever inner work you must in order to be rested, self-sourced and in your ease. Take care of your needs. Work out your issues away from her. (Perhaps with a coach, friend, spiritual teacher or with God.) This allows you to be ultimately present for her.
Connection. Make sure she feels love flowing between you. Learn to recognize and respond to bids for connection. (Note: A relationship coach or therapist could help with this.) Be curious about this natural play of light that is she.
Slow Down. Go slow enough to really see her. Marvel at the miracle of this person. Ask about her internal weather. Do less of what causes her unease.
Kindness. Be thoughtful toward her and let her see you treat others with consideration. Choose to be silent when you could otherwise say something hurtful. Be a better ‘container’ for excess information in general. More stories or news reporting is likely not going to serve her heart or your time together
Touch Her. Physical affection gives her a direct transmission that you are here and you see and want her. Practice non-obligation touch. She should be confident that your touch is an expression of warmth without a hidden agenda.
Assume Best Intentions. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Ask her what the trouble is in an attempt to honestly understand what is going on with her. Don’t ‘try’ to love her. Pay attention to what moves her. Look to better understand her.
Acknowledge. Address what she says directly and immediately. Smile when you look at her. Stay positive with your words and gestures. Compliment her every day.
Give. Figure out what you can do to make her life more wonderful and do that.
Lastly, remind yourself that you are not the most important person in the room (she is). Remember that telling the truth is not so much about sharing with another person your judgment or evaluation of them, but rather it’s being honest with yourself and your motivations for any given action.