Today Is The Best Day Of My Life

Abalone shell photo by Corey Folsom

Today is the best day of my life. There is no comparison.

Other days have held more pleasure or excitement or closeness or more joy or accomplishment. There have been days in my life that were filled with wonder and adventure or more ease and connectedness than today. This day stands as the best simply because I am living it now.

All previous days whether amazing or difficult have passed into memory. They are encoded in my cells and psyche and they led me directly to here. Each one of them informs my present. But, it is the present day that matters most.

All future days haven’t yet arrived and when they do (God-willing) I will experience them one at a time, in real time. Every future day, when it arrives, will be the new best day of my life.

Today is not a rehearsal for tomorrow. I am right where I am and this moment is all I have. I can touch and taste it. I’ve had to do some difficult tasks lately, which were made easier by realizing that I hold the prize. The prize is an embodied, aware life. Triumph and disaster are imposters (thank you, Rudyard Kipling). Meaning that external accomplishment and attachment to external circumstance are both traps and neither define me. Being high or low are each just moments. Every experience gives way to another. The blessing of life is enough. Just being is enough.

I want to inhabit the center of my being. I aspire to recognize the sacredness of each moment. When I find myself centered in the moment, I win. Were I in the commandment-writing business (which I am not) I’d inscribe as follows: Be Thou Here

Tub of Contentment

Last summer I traveled a long, dry rocky and rough track through the mountains. There were long vistas of ridges beyond ridges and deep, steep roadless canyons. It was a hot, sunny, still and cloudless day under a seemingly endless blue sky.

Somewhere past halfway to the destination I came across a spring-fed pool. The water sheeted down a short rock wall and collected in an old porcelain tub before spilling over and trickling into the dusty trail.

There were a few smallish oak trees that shaded this spot and so I stopped and rested. I splashed water on my face and arms and wet my hat before putting it back on my head. I paused and studied the scene. The water flowed with barely a sound. The tub held clear water and some green algae and many water creatures. No breeze moved the leaves above.

The tub itself had broken apart over time. Some of this from rust, but likely also due to falling rocks. Other persons had plugged some of the larger cracks in the tub with stones and moss so that it was still mostly full of life-giving water.

Then I sat and felt the energy of this place more profoundly. I stopped thinking and just felt the rocks and trees and the water flowing through the tub. There was a palpable sense that all is well. The tub was busted and old and rusted, but it was still holding water and occupying this spot just as it should. I felt the contentment absorb into my body and calm my mind. I felt the fact that even though I have aches and mistakes in my history, all is truly well. I could feel the supreme balance of this place and this moment inside me. Nothing to do or improve. Nowhere to go. No searching or striving needed.

I named this the Tub of Contentment and it lives inside me still. I visit this place in my meditation when I want to slow down and just be.


When I Notice Another Woman

After my article “When a Woman Turns a Man’s Head” the question was raised:  How do you be with your chosen woman’s feelings when you obviously notice another woman?

My advice is to be really with your woman when you’re with her. Give her your 100% when you’re together. Let her know how important she is to you. Find out her “love language” (book by Gary Chapman) and give affection in her preferred way.

More than anything else your woman wants your presence most of all. When my head is turned momentarily my woman is secure in knowing that I am deeply in love with her and my appreciation of another’s beauty will not affect my want and desire for her. She is secure in knowing that she is the lasting object of my affection.

She knows the internal process that happens with me at those moments because I have shared that with her. (See my article “When a Woman Turns a Man’s Head.) She feels the renewal and the life that I bring to her because I am alive and optimistic and that she is my chosen one. She has seen my integrity in action time and again. She gets that she is my clear choice.

We also re-orient to our love often (through words, affectionate touch and by connecting in a meaningful way at transitions). We try to start every day with some form of connecting in love. We are honest with the truth in our bodies. What I mean is that when I’m aroused my lover knows and when I am feeling conservative with my energy I’ll communicate that to her, too.

Tantric Sex – a short definition

grayscale photo of naked woman
Photo by John Rocha on

There are innumerable definitions of tantric sex (none are wrong). Here’s mine.

Sex is not tantric of itself. (Some would say that neo-tantra is neither new nor tantra!) Tantra is an attitude and awareness that we can bring to each moment (whether we’re sexing or dancing or texting).

Being tantric is living our divine nature at the surface of our human expression. It is an acceptance of what is, an acceptance of the truth that is each moment. Living tantra is choosing an openness to life that weaves into every action, thought and emotion.

Tantra is not imparted, rather it is awakened in our heart, similar to the way one candle lights another – an awakening of our own deep knowing. We all know intuitively that the spark of the Divine is inside us. The task, or Divine Invitation, is to feel and express this truth at our surface. So when we bring tantra to sexing, it’s now tantric sex!

My understanding continues to grow as I examine my choices and see the effect of grace in my life. I certainly do not mean to imply that being loving and “nice” is the only acceptable expression of love. Tantra welcomes wide freedom of play in the shadow realms. We can feel connection, power, excitement and arousal from playing on the edge of social or self-imposed norms. We don’t always have to be the ‘nice girl’ or the ‘good boy’ in order to please our inner judge. In fact, other parts of us may be thrilled when the inner judge is in recess!

To the extent that I see myself as an eternal soul, I see all people in true fellowship with me. Tantra respects the sovereignty of the individual and allows consciousness to unfold according to each person’s own need and in their own time. We all share a common creator and a common home and perhaps a common destiny.


The Art of Aural Sex (giving good phone)

Guess what? Your phone presence has a direct effect on the frequency and passion in your intimate relationship. While not necessarily thinking ahead to a sexual reward we’re building or diminishing a love connection with each interaction. Foreplay is a constant, rather than an event and one of the main things that a woman wants most from her man is presence. Without going into reasons why it matters, let’s just look at how we can have gratifying telephone interactions.

When my woman phones me I assume a desire for reassurance is built-in to any request for information. Whether consciously or not, she wants to feel that love is alive between us. She knows that I know it’s her who’s ringing my phone so how I answer sets an immediate tone.

I know (because I asked) whether she wants to hear a term of endearment or her name when I answer the phone. A conscious breath just before I pick up helps me transition my attention to her. If it isn’t a good time for me to talk on the phone we’re both better off if I pick up and let her know that, at this moment, I don’t have the space for an involved talk, but I’m glad to hear her voice and can arrange a time to talk later. If I have a pressing issue or if something else requires my steady focus it’s better if I let the call go to voicemail.

The importance of directly speaking to feelings is critical over the phone since body language is absent. I may tell her how the sound of her voice affects me or that I’m thinking of how beautiful she must be at this moment. Those are just examples, the main thing is to be real with what’s alive for you in a kind way. If she is speaking about feelings then I will respond to what she just expressed before talking about anything else.

Whether talking “business” or about intimate subjects like desire and dreams we’ll do better when it’s clear to each of us which purpose this call is serving and it’s helpful to have formal transitions. Saying, for instance, “Honey, I’m enjoying our talk/connection AND I need to change the subject to address some other things. Do you need anything else before we change gears?”

Then there’s the purely erotic phone call (slow wink). The more you know what you like and can own it, the more “sexy” it can be. The more detailed the fantasy, the more interesting it will be to both of you. “Oh yeah baby, I’ll come home and you’ll do me” is much less captivating then “When I walk through the door I want you wearing a short skirt and no panties and you’re going to be in the laundry room pretending that you haven’t heard me enter the house. I’ll see the light on and find you there. I’ll say your name in a deep voice and …” You get the idea!

At the end of the conversation, I try to leave my beloved with a sense of what’s in my heart. Extra points get awarded for speaking directly to feelings and needs while offering acknowledgment and understanding.

Declaration of Interdependence

I wrote this in 1996 at the birth of my second son.

When in the course of world events, it becomes necessary for all People to dissolve the beliefs which have separated them from one another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the fully connected and responsible station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Creation requires that they should declare the affirmations which impel them to the connection.

We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all People are created equal, that they are endowed by the Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Pure Water, Pure Air, and the pursuit of Peace – That to secure these rights, values are instilled among people, deriving their dynamism from respect for all creation, that whenever any value becomes destructive to creation, it is the duty of people to alter or abolish it. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that values long established should not be changed for light and transient causes. But, when a long train of Abuses and Usurpations owing invariably to a certain conviction, evinces a design to diminish the vitality of creation, it is their right, it is their duty, to disregard such a standard, and to provide a suitable guiding principle to ensure harmony. Such has been the patient sufferance of all people and such is Now the necessity, which impels them to alter their former set of values. The history of the present system of values is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny of dominion over this earth.

We affirm the natural laws of creation and declare that all have a right and a sacred duty to respect them in all actions.

We declare that the right of denizens of Earth, born or unborn, to a clean and peaceful world shall not be diminished.

We affirm that every nation’s fundamental form of government shall be honored and allowed to evolve freely. We also affirm that the purpose of government is to abolish war and robbery, to establish peace and to cultivate a spiritually healthy society.

We define Peace as not simply the absence of war, but as the active striving of humans for universal justice. We hold that peace is the natural outcome of justice and that justice is the natural outcome of a spiritually strong society.

We declare that no government should keep a standing army in times of Peace.

We declare the rights of non-human creatures, including the four-leggeds, and the wingeds, to voice and consideration in the Houses of Representation. Human representatives shall be elected to speak for non-human concerns.

We declare that Every person is valuable and All ground is sacred.

We, therefore, the residents of this Beautiful Earth in Common Aspiration, appealing to the Supreme Goodwill of all people for the support of our intentions do solemnly Publish and Declare that all of creation on God’s Earth is sacred, holy, interconnected, interdependent, good and worthy of reverence. We acknowledge and hold true to our rightful membership as fellow inhabitants on this globe, and that as members of this family we have an obligation to conduct ourselves with compassion and in harmony with the rest of creation. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our destiny and our sacred honor.


Become an Expert in Loving Your Woman

man and woman holding hand while walking
Photo by on

Do you want you and your partner to be deeply happy with each other? Do you want your life to be guided and moved by love? A good way to start is to become an expert in loving your woman.

Not an expert on any woman or all women, but this woman that you are with. I suggest that you commit to a 10-day experiment in loving (without telling her). You will certainly find out more about your own relationship weaknesses and what truly inspires you about being with her.

When you’re not “getting” what you want from your partner, try giving her what she wants from you. First you must know what she wants. If she hasn’t told you lately, or if your memory is fuzzy, just ask. Also, think of the times that she was really happy with you and recall the way you were treating her then.

My general guidelines:

Presence; find your center and give her your quality attention.

Connection; make sure she feels love flowing between you.

Slow down; go slow enough to really see her. Marvel at the miracle in front of you. Pay attention to what moves her.

Kindness; be thoughtful toward her.

Touch her; physical affection gives her a direct transmission that you are here and you want her.

Assume her best intentions; stay positive with words and gestures.

Acknowledge her; compliment her, smile when you look at her.

Giving; figure out what you can do to make her life more wonderful in this moment and do it.

Remind yourself that you are NOT the most important person in the room – SHE IS!

Remember that telling the truth is not so much about telling someone your judgments about them, but it is about being really honest with yourself.

Give it ten days and you will be better off for having upped your game!

Release Relationship Tension

close up photo of woman hugging a guy
Photo by Tim Mossholder on

Don’t rush and don’t over-clench, slightly change position to find “home.” Be intentional and pure of purpose. Stay aware of your breath and feel how all comes from your center. When you let go, let it all go cleanly and without regret. Are these the words of a tantra instructor or yoga teacher? They could be, but they’re also instructions on how to draw, hold and then release an arrow from a bow.

I was reflecting on my love of archery today. It occurred to me that there is so much development involved in micro-skills and focused attention to each point of action. First, there is choosing or fashioning the equipment (which I have often made myself.) Secondly, the archer must pay attention to his/her attitude and stance. Then, there is nocking an arrow and drawing back the bow to the shooting position and aiming for the target. All effort to this point is negated if the actual release is not instant and smooth.

The obvious metaphor is to cleanly release our effort and development of mastery in any area of life. We do our best and then practice a healthy detachment from the results. A specific example is how a good parent devotes everything within his/her power to raising a child. We keep them fed, housed, clothed and loved and connected to their spirit and community and with awareness of their values. We incubate them in a spirit of love and community and then we let them live their own life. This doesn’t have to be “sink or swim,” but we cannot live their journey for them.

Another example is emotional tension in an intimate relationship. If each person can get in touch with their values and communicate them with clarity and respect there is a good basis for restoring harmony. But, holding back honesty or maintaining even a small resentment stands in the way of fully returning to love.

A botched archery release could be from improper grip or poor arm position. It could happen from letting out the fingers too slowly or by clenching the bow too tightly with the opposite hand. My action offerings with my chosen intimate partner and with all of life are done with a spirit of “I’m giving my best self as I best know how at this time and I want the best and highest for all AND no debt is created.”

My “job” is to connect to my center and develop habits and abilities that serve the best version of me and look for ways to serve life.